I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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