i think i have herpe
just one?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
