Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I didn't notice because vodka
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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