Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
