so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
