so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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