There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
