You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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