If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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