I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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