Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
