WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
