she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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