What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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