i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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