My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
