hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
