If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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