The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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