Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
