Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
