if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My liver just broke up with me...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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