thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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