You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
