What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
