It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
