i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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