Redeem this text for a blowjob
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
