right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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