Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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