i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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