no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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