I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
