Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.

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(214): View more from Texas

My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.

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(317): View more from Indiana

well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night

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(214): View more from Texas

Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.

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(602): View more from Arizona

The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here

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(207): View more from Maine

Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?

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