I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize