roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
