4 words: hood of his car
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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