im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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