last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
