I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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