There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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