I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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