how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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