Your face is a jimmy john
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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