I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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