She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
