it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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