Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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