I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
FUCK WHALES
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