There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
