The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize