uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sext me about skeletons
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
