I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
