that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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