I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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