Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
