I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
