First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
