I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
