I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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