i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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