He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
